


As The World Caves In

by Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Crying, End of the World, Fantasizing, Heavy Angst, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, Nuclear Bombs, Slow Dancing, Song fic, finally one for the normal half life fans, listen this makes little to no sense within canon I just needed to get it out, not a war really just a bomb, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 19:00:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30009477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat/pseuds/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat
Summary: And here it is, our final night aliveAnd as the earth runs to the ground...“Ya think… ya think we could do it like they do in movies? Y’know… go out dancin’ while the world burns around us?”“We don’t have any music,” Gordon pointed out, but he was already swaying from side to side.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Kudos: 23





	As The World Caves In

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have much to say about this one other than the fact that I've only just started watching a Half Life playthrough so I honestly haven't seen too much of Barney. I think he's p in character though, I've been writing something else with him featured heavily and my partner (who knows Half Life) has been saying he's been alright, so... hopefully he is in this one too. This doesn't make sense anywhere in the plot, I'm pretty sure, but it felt good to write and I wanted to share. I hope you enjoy <3

“Ya know… it’s kind of sad,” Barney said quietly. Gordon hummed, but didn’t look away from the screen in front of him. “I mean… you’d think that they could at least take us out with something _they_ made. Atom bombs just seems… well, seems a little extra, huh, doc?” Gordon hummed again, but still didn’t move or look away. Barney sighed and turned away from the little window. “Gordon, you know we’re not gettin’ anythin’ new to do. This is it, bud. The end of the world.” Gordon shifted ever so slightly, but still didn’t tear his gaze away, waiting for another message or a command or something. “Gordon.” Barney carefully grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet. He followed the movement and turned to face Barney. “Gordon, I… I gotta tell ya something. You know… before we all go out.”

“We won’t go out,” Gordon said, his voice hoarse from lack of use until he was screaming at the top of his lungs. 

“Just… let me get this out,” Barney said, and Gordon nodded. Still, Barney was quiet for a long moment, just holding onto Gordon’s forearms as Gordon held his back. “I… I never stopped thinkin’ about you. Not once, for those twenty years. At first… no, I can’t even say I only hoped at first. I was _always_ hopin’ you’d walk back inta my life. Everythin’ I did, everywhere I went, I always thought… ‘I wonder if this is where Gordon will be’.” He looked up at Gordon, and his eyes shone with unshed tears. “I know that… that I was way too late back in Black Mesa. I know that that beer after your test was going to be our first date, but… Gordon, I’ve loved ya since the second I saw ya.” Gordon stood stock still, and Barney couldn’t seem to stop himself. “The first time you popped outa Kleiner’s locked office door, holdin’ out his keys with the biggest grin I’ve ever seen… somethin’ inside me just… shifted. I knew that… that I’d do anythin’ to see ya smile like that, and that I’d do anythin’ ta keep ya with me.” He laughed and a couple tears slid down his cheeks. “Guess I didn’t do such a good job’a that last one, huh?”

“Barney…” Gordon whispered. He carefully moved one hand up to cup Barney’s face, and choked on a sob when he leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. “I… I love you too. I have for… for forever, it feels like.” He swallowed, and brushed his thumb along Barney’s cheekbone. “Everytime that I had to go out, I was always thinking about how… how I was doing it for everyone, but really, I was doing it for _you_. Barney, I’d do _anything_ for you. And… and I’m so sorry that we didn’t get those twenty years. I’m so sorry that I didn’t say anything sooner, both in Black Mesa and since I got back. I… god, Barney, the second I realized it was you back in that station… I almost kissed you right then.” Barney chuckled, and Gordon felt like he might collapse when he opened his eyes to look at him. They were still glistening with tears, even if they’d started to fall. “I love you, so so much.”

“Gordon…” Barney carefully moved Gordon’s hand away from his face, but he brought it down to his hip, and Gordon wrapped his arms around Barney’s hips while Barney wrapped his own around Gordon’s neck. “Ya think… ya think we could do it like they do in movies? Y’know… go out dancin’ while the world burns around us?”

“We don’t have any music,” Gordon pointed out, but he was already swaying from side to side.

“Wish I could make us some,” Barney replied quietly as he followed Gordon’s movements. “Also wish ya weren’t in that tin can.” He rested his cheek against the chestplate of Gordon’s HEV suit anyway. “Might be nice to actually get ta touch ya before…”

“Maybe next time,” Gordon replied, and he was surprised that Barney just hummed in response. “Yeah… next time. We’ll do it differently next time.”

“Yeah? How so?” Barney asked.

“I’ll say something sooner,” Gordon said. “I won’t bite my tongue the first time I see you, and I’ll actually tell you how attractive you are.”

“And I’ll ask ya to get a beer after work sooner,” Barney said quietly. “And I won’t pretend that it’s cuz of some test either. I’ll tell everyone just how much I love ya.”

“And I’ll be right by your side to tell them how much I love _you_ ,” Gordon said. “I’ll kiss you at the station too. Next time around, I mean.”

“Yeah?” Barney asked. “Even though I’ll have changed so much?”

“It won’t matter to me,” Gordon said. “It doesn’t now either.” He chuckled. “You look good with a few gray hairs.”

Barney chuckled and moved his head back so he could look Gordon in the eye. They were both crying. “If… if we’re already makin’ wild assumptions ‘bout next time… who says all this has ta happen?”

Gordon hummed as he shuffled from side to side, still swaying with Barney in his arms. “You know… you’re right,” he said. “Next time around, the test is gonna go great.”

“Yeah…” Barney said. “And you’ll get paid so damn much for the paper you write on it that we’ll both be able to retire before we’re even thirty.”

Gordon decided not to point out that that wasn’t how it all worked. “We’ll get a nice home,” he said instead, “somewhere that isn’t a desert. Somewhere with… with a yard. Y’know, in case… um…”

“In case we have kids?” Barney asked softly. Gordon nodded. “Yeah… yeah, I’d like that.” He chuckled. “You think they’d be proud to have us as dads, or get all weirded out cuz we’d be so famous? Y’know, Dr. Freeman, the guy from Black Mesa who paved the way for the new era of science, and the guy who married him.” 

“We’d be married, huh?” Gordon asked teasingly. Barney blushed, but Gordon just laughed and leaned down to press their foreheads together. “Dr. and Mr. Freeman… yeah, that sounds nice…” 

The sirens and lights that should never go off for any reason started to blare behind them, but neither of them even seemed to notice. They just held each other close as the people outside their little safe room began to scream and run in panic. Gordon ghosted his lips against Barney’s when the planes began to pass over the city, and Barney pressed his lips firmly against Gordon’s to kiss him for the first, and final, time as the bombs began to fall.


End file.
